And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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