So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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