People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
