I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
