I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
