clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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