In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
