Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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