I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
