erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dicks are not precious.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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