Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
