Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
