There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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