ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
