Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
