having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
