Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
