remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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