youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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