12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
