i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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