you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
