Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
