I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
