Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
