I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
