Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
