you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
