She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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