I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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