My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am one with the molecules
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
