considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
