would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
someone owes me an orgasm
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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