tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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