every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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