is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
