Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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