We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
