PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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