I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
