she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
