ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
