When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
