Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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