i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
