If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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