just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
