White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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