When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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