I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
